The INFJ Kind of Lonely

Tags

#lonely, infj, MBTI

I was combing through a stack of magazines destined for the recycle can and decided to look once again for any tidbits I could glean from them. As I flipped through an Oprah magazine ( November 2019, Vol 20 Issue 11) an article called “Suffering in Silence” by Jacqueline Polzin piqued my interest. The article explains how loneliness is becoming a health issue. According to the article, loneliness can leave us feeling poorly physically and mentally. People are literally dying from loneliness. It can be cured as any other ailment in several ways. She explains the main way is through love.

Researcher, Daniel Russell PHD added a quiz to the article. A score of 30 reflects a high ranking of loneliness. The quiz was easy and quick, so I did it. I scored a 30. Does this mean I am in poor mental and physical state? Do I need help?

Being an INFJ, my results did not seem surprising. Being lonely is a way of life for me and I have grown to embrace it. In my younger years, I craved to find someone to connect with, but I was left frustrated. When I would meet someone, I would wonder, is this person going to get me? So far, it’s never happened.

I do bring some of my isolation upon myself. Even if given the chance to bare my soul to someone, I cringe at the thought. Many times I go out of my way to isolate myself. When attending a function that involves group seating, I immediately scout out the most remote location to sit. Once, as I took a seat in the back corner a man said, ” You don’t have to sit way back here”, I explained, “I’m an introvert.” He laughed and said, “OK”. It’s a paradox of wanting to be part of a group and then being afraid because I know I will be disappointed by it.

I no longer look to others to cure my loneliness, I have replaced them with purpose. I enjoy meeting with friends for an occasional excursion and chatting with people at the gym, but I leave it at that. I no longer yearn for a deep connection with anyone.

The INFJ lonely is a different type of lonely that is difficult even for us to understand. Learning about the MBTI has helped me to realize that I am not alone alone.

Galentine’s Day

I saw Galentine’s Day being advertised on social media over and over.  I had never heard of this day so I googled it to find out what it’s all about.

It is an unofficial holiday that was created by the television show, Parks and Recreation, ten years ago. Galentine’s Day occurs on February 13th and is a day dedicated for ladies to celebrate friendships with their girlfriends. Hence the play on Valentine’s Day – GALentine’s Day. One episode’s storyline is about Leslie Knope, a character on the show, who invites all of her besties to celebrate ladies being ladies. The celebration included a brunch, gifts, and a special essay explaining why each lady was awesome.

Since the airing of this episode, Galentine’s Day has begun to develop into a real but unofficial holiday.  Stores will use any excuse to have a promotion and this day gives an extra holiday to sell special items. Hallmark makes cards and other gift items especially for Galentine’s Day.  This is a great marketing idea since Valentine’s Day consists of men buying for the ladies, now ladies are in the market with their own special day. Target began selling Galentine themed products in 2017. Other retailers such as Sprinkles Cupcakes, Lyft, and Shari’s Berries have begun to promote it also.  It looks as if Galentine’s Day is getting more popular every year. I have noticed some local businesses promoting special deals for the day also.

The Galentine’s Day episode of Parks and Recreation is in Season 2, episode #16. The popularity of Galentine’s Day has prompted YouTube to make money on the holiday as well by charging to watch this episode. However, there is a small 2 minute section of the Galentine’s Day party for free if you are interested.

Now ladies, go and celebrate Galentine’s Day with your BFF’s.

Stuff

Tags

#waste #bargains#minimal #minimalist, minimalism

We all have it , we all want it. It’s what life is about, right? Our stuff defines us, we measure our lives by it. After all, lots of expensive stuff equals success, so it seems. We work to buy it, we work to care for it, and we work to keep it. We even worry what will happen to it after we die. We choose who will be the lucky ones to get our stuff, then we wonder if they will care and love it like we do. We’ve all seen the bumper sticker, “The one that dies with the most toys wins.”

We are constantly presented with stuff that someone tell us we need to make our lives better. We ask, ” How did I ever get by without this or that?”. We will probably ask that question again in the future about stuff that we are content living without now.

A quote from Will Rogers reads, ” Too many people spend money they haven’t earned, to buy things they don’t want, to impress people they don’t like. ” What a profound quote!

One day I was shopping and an announcement was made, ” an additional 50% off clearance items in aisle #7.” I needed a bath rug so I headed over unaware of the insanity that was brewing. People were crowding into the aisle blocking it with their carts. No one could enter or exit the aisle. I saw a lady getting everything she could in her cart: soap holders, a stack of bath towels, wash cloths, and a menagerie of other items filling it to the brims. She was unable to push her cart without items falling off.

The chaos was too much so I returned to finish shopping. “What a mess, people seemed to be buying because it was a bargain and not for need. Who needs 20 towels and wash cloths ?, Hadn’t anyone every heard the saying that it isn’t a bargain if you don’t need it??”, I thought.

I began to think of all the costs associated with these bargains. The stress of fighting the crowd, managing the heavy cart, loading it to pay and then into the car, unloading it, and giving precious space to store it.

Now what happens to these bargains that we have invested our time, energy, money, and space to? My guess is that they are put into storage abyss of garages, storage units, or yard barns. Some of the items might be used, but most will be sold in a garage sale or donated to a charity and become a bargain for someone else. Trading yet another piece of our lives in payment for the bargains.

What are the true costs of buying items we do not need? The personal issues of our time, money, energy, and stress to buy, store, and dispose. Also, the environmental issues of producing and then the disposal of the items.

Possibly passing on the bargains is the real bargain.

Ode to a Foster Dog

Tags

dogs, foster, rescue

Broken and discarded
sad and frail

Still full of love
shown by the whirl of a tail

Willing to trust
even though you were let down

Come to me my dear
here you will wear a crown

I’ll heal your wounds
and make you whole

No more pain
for you to know

My love is free
like one of my own

Your stay is brief
a moment in my home

The time will come
when my job is done

To full-fill your journey
of being a special one

Forever in my heart
never forgotten

Now you will move on
to being spoiled rotten

You are a page in my life
a smile in my thoughts

My rich reward
for the life you have sought.

 

 

 

A Rainbow for Liska

Tags

rainbows

She went to the hospital as she had done everyday for the last twelve weeks.  She headed straight to Liska’s bedside to greet her.  “Mama’s here”, Solange said as if singing the words, but there was no response.  “Go ahead and sleep my lovely, I’ll be here when you wake up”.  Solange patted Liska’s arm and noticed that her lips looked purple.  “Today would be the day”, Solange thought to herself.  After all, the doctors had estimated two to three more weeks and it had been nearly three. Even with all the mental preparation, it still didn’t seem real.

Solange sat in her usual chair and stared out the window.  She was in such deep thought that she hadn’t noticed that the blinds were only open a couple of inches from the bottom.  She heard a loud gasping noise that made her jump up.  She ran to Liska’s side watching as her hand began to draw inward.  In only a few moments, the monitor flat lined and a bell sounded.  Solange put her head into her palms.  The nurses had begun to run into the room, but Solange could only think that Liska was gone, her only child too young.

Solange was silent as the nurses worked in vain.  Liska had taken her last breath. She looked peaceful as if death were accepted and all the poisons and pain had left her body.   Solange felt as if she were invisible spinning in a surreal tunnel.

A nurse asked Solange if she were okay, but she couldn’t comprehend the words. She turned her attention to the window and saw a cardinal on the windowsill.  How beautiful it’s red feathers, Solange thought.  In a snap, the bird flew away and she heard a loud clap.  She raised the blinds and it was raining in sheets.  The sun was shining like a supernova had exploded.  The nurses had to hold up their arms to shield their eyes from the sun.  The nurses were still racing around the room, but Solange was fixiated on the storm.

The rain had slowed to a mist forming a double rainbow so full you could see it from beginning to end.  Solange shouted, “Look! A double rainbow! “, as she pointed out the window.

A couple of the nurses ran down the hallway to get a better look outside.  It had caused quite the drama with everyone wanting to see this incredible rainbow.

At Liska’s funeral, Solange was speaking to Krisney who was Liska’s best friend since childhood about the rainbow.  Krisney’s eyes filled with tears and she gasped with disbelief, ”  Liska told me that when she died, she wanted a rainbow to come and take her to heaven.”

The One in the Grass

Tags

infj, MBTI

Since finding out that I’m an INFJ my life as become more clear.  I know many do not trust in the MBTI, but I take it as a guide and not as an exact science. It has helped me to realize why I think in the ways that I do and become aware of why others do what they do.

Reflecting back on my life, I remember comments said to me such as; you are different,  you are a paradox, I never know what you’ll say, etc.  My father used to tell me that I had my own way of thinking and it wasn’t like anyone else’s.  I interpreted these comments in a negative way, that since I was different, I wasn’t appealing to others.

On social media, it’s supposed to be cool to be an INFJ, but if you really are one, you don’t think it’s cool.  It’s actually difficult.  I’m don’t know how I even became an INFJ, my parents are an ESTJ (father) and an ISFJ (mother).  I haven’t quite placed my brother, but he is most likely an EST(F?)J.  No wonder they all thought I was an alien!

I have faired better with animals, they have always taken to me.  My mother sold Avon when I was a child so she could stay home with us.  Back then, Avon literally meant “Avon calling”.  you went door to door.  During these visits, if someone had a pet, it was naturally drawn to me.  I can remember dogs jumping on me and the owner saying, that’s strange, he never does that.  I’m glad because I truly love animals and they have been the savior in my life.

In groups, I’m always the one left out, ignored, or left to do whatever no one else will do.  It’s not that people set out for this to happen, it is a natural ranking of the “ESXX’s to be in charge and to out number the “INXX”s.  It’s usually okay with me because mostly the task at hand is something I don’t even care about.  I go through their motions and then retreat back into my own head upon leaving.

Whatever glamour social media gives INFJ, it probably could not be endured by the faint of heart.  If you want to find an INFJ, he/she will usually be the one walking in the grass and if you are an INFJ, you will understand what I mean.

 

What I Have Learned from Minimalism

Tags

clutter, de clutter, minimalism, minimalist, organization

To be grateful for what I have instead of giving it no thought

That I can get by with less and enjoy it

The meaning of ” less is more”

Direction in the right path

To bask in my uniqueness

Clutter takes up a lot of my resources

Listening to others instead of just waiting to speak

Being content, but not complacent.

Not taking so much personally.

 

It’s so much more than getting rid of the clutter in your house, it is de-cluttering your mind too.

 

 

 

 

 

Trying to Become a Minimalist

Tags

becoming minimalist challenge, declutter, facebook, minimalism, organizing

Recently, I joined a facebook group that’s goal is to become a minimalist. The group is based on the mins game from “The Minimalist” where you purge the number of items based on the day of the month. For instance, on the 13 th day, you would purge 13 items. It would be a total of 465 items at the end of the month based on a 30 day month.

I joined the group on November 3rd, 2013. I quickly caught up since I had only missed 2 days. So, I needed to purge 6 items that day.

I had done some extensive remodeling in the prior year and had donated, sold, trashed many items already being somewhat lean starting out. As I had already welcomed being a minimalist I aspired to address my remodel with a minimal style.

I have been aware of this lifestyle for about 4 years now, but I don’t think I really grasped the true meaning that it has for me until now. For me being a minimalist requires that I detach from my possessions, view them as something that I utilize to make my life pleasant.

Being in the group has enlightened my minimal journey by reading and discussing so many ideas that maybe I wouldn’t have thought about. It has also been an encouragment to let go. During the last few months, I have let go of so much more. At this point, I have already purged all of the obvious clutter, now I am down to items that I have hung onto forever. Including gifts, childhood memoribilia, and what if items.

The facebook group as also kept me focused on what I am doing and why. Before, I mainly went through the motions of decluttering, but now I realize that minimalism is so much more. It is a lot about being grateful for what I have and to stop chasing the wrong things in life.

Overall, I love being part of the group and how it has helped me, mainly by helping myself to by minimalistic journey.

Pilates…My New Exercise

Tags

brook siler, core, exercise, fitness, pilates, powerhouse, workout

I signed up for a Pilates class as part of the Kinesiology courses I am taking.  I had sampled it before, but never took a true Pilates class.  I wanted to try it out and see what it is all about.  I didn’t think it was something I would benefit from significantly, maybe only indirectly.  Since I began Pilates, I see that there is a real significance in it for me.  It has been a refreshing experience.

I checked out the book, “The Pilates Body” by Brooke Siler, from the library as our teacher had requested.  I read through the first part of the book where it explains the background and principles of Pilates.  I started getting interested and taking focus of what our teacher had been explaining in class, also, considering the benefits of Pilates for me.

Pilates has helped me in the sense that I think it would be a great compliment to any other type of workout regime and a good workout on its own.  For example, the flexibility would be useful to be able to have full range of motion in other workouts or in daily activities.  Also, the lengthening of the muscles would be a great asset to the muscle building aspects of body building exercises.  Pilates also develops body strength and this is what I am looking for in a workout.  This would help to give me the strength for my weight lifting.  Since Pilates concentrates of good form and focus, these principles can be applied with any other exercises.

I went to the gym today and as I worked out, I focused on my breathing. In Pilates, the breath is important to help perform the exercise.  I found that this breathing actually helped me to get through my reps and to stay focused.

Strengthening my core has helped in performing my exercises correctly and to maintain good posture even in my daily living.   Since I work at a desk all day, it is important for me to maintain good posture while sitting for long periods of time.  Practicing Pilates is a great way to strengthen the core and to help maintain correct posture.

I have benefitted from learning Pilates this semester and hope to maintain the exercise after this four-week session is done.  Since I work out quite a bit, I feel like I haven’t seen much difference in my body  from Pilates so far.  However, I do know that the principles have helped me in my workouts and daily living.  I think that with advanced Pilates workouts, that I would see an increase in strength and flexibility.

I’m glad that this class worked into my schedule this semester and I look forward to keeping up Pilates in the future.  Staying strong in the core and flexible are key in staying fit as we age.

What Mimimalism Means to Me

Tags

clutter, de clutter, freedom, minimalism

I was reading a post from Becoming Minimalist about the subject and was thinking about what minimalism really means to me.  What true minimalism means to me is not to have distracting objects–objects that cause irritation. It also means the ability to let go and not look back.

I have donated a lot of my stuff to charity, mainly, New Leash on Life Thrift and Architectual Salvage to help out the Franklin County Humane Society.  I have never regretted anything I gave them because I have the comfort of knowing that the revenues generated are going for a wonderful cause.

What I believe to be true minimalism is to not be attached to things, this to me is more important than the getting rid of things. If you purge and then regret it constantly, then the de-cluttering did not have worth.  Letting go of it and moving on is what I want for my minimalism.

To be free of the objects, clear of thought, to move onward.  To derive pleasure from the freedom.

.